Life, Lately
Chaos amongst the glimmers
On the face of it, one would be forgiven for believing that I’m in a healthy state of mind.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Yes, I’ve launched and am working towards my dreams in the form of Masa’s Corner. I am healthy, and I have a great job. That’s the falsehood that social media creates, however: the idea that because one is busy, creating and posting, they must be doing well.
The past several weeks has seen my household go days with non-functioning plugs, experience our second underground water leak this year (both thanks to living in a 117-year-old house), endure yet another power outage, and worry, endlessly, about bills.
It doesn’t end there.
Like many, I have spent more evenings than I care to admit with a calculator in one hand and a notebook in the other, trying to figure out what kind of life I can realistically afford, and whether the life I truly want requires sacrifices I haven’t yet been brave enough to make. For thirteen (going on 14) years, I have built a successful career in Regulation, Policy & Compliance. It has been kind to me. It has given me stability, experience and opportunities I never imagined when I first graduated. It has also slowly become a place where I no longer recognise myself. There is a strange grief that comes with being good at something that no longer lights you up.
You begin to wonder whether gratitude should be enough. Whether a steady salary should silence the quiet, yet violent voice inside that keeps asking, Is this really it?
Lately, I have found myself thinking less about promotions and more about purpose. I don’t have the answers yet.
I still worry about school fees, mortgages, unexpected plumbing disasters, and whether choosing a simpler life is responsible or reckless. I still wrestle with the tension between financial security and meaningful work.
Anyway, here is what life has (somewhat) looked like, lately:
I have been relatively consistent with my reading (probably because, now that I have a passion-project that hinges off the act of reading, I feel pressure to walk the proverbial talk?) and am completing Blue Sisters this week, and will be starting Pachincko by Min Jin Lee.
Décor-related housework is coming along nicely. Mainly because, between paying for plumbers, electricians and all the other boring, invisible house stuff, I feel I owe it to myself to direct our hard-earned money towards something we can actually “see” and appreciate from time to time. The next project is blinds installation.
Storybook Saturdays by Masa’s Corner went incredibly well. Look, I was a nervous wreck the entirety of the two-hour event period, and made plenty of mental notes on what to improve for future events, but overall I am so pleased with how it came together.
My son loves reading. He absolutely adores his bedtime storybook sessions. This makes me feel like I am doing something right.
The highlight of the past several weeks, was definitely meeting Refiloe Moahloli again, and having her be the inaugural Storybook Saturday read-aloud author.
Life feels heavy at the moment.
There are still more questions than answers, more uncertainty than certainty, and more spreadsheets than I’d care to admit. But perhaps this is what building a different life looks like - not a dramatic leap, but a series of quiet, intentional decisions. One book. One event. One difficult conversation, and one brave choice at a time.
I’m learning that dreams aren’t built in the absence of fear. They’re built alongside mortgages, school fees, leaking pipes, power outages, and all the wonderfully ordinary responsibilities of adulthood. Perhaps that’s the real work. Not waiting for life to become easier before pursuing what sets your soul alight; but choosing, despite everything, to keep building anyway.
Love,
Masa.
Loved this reflection Masa!
In the thick of the messy middle of life ❤️
Loved this reflection Masa!
In the thick of the messy middle of life ❤️